It's kinda weird how sometimes...things all of the sudden happen at the same time. Like a huge wave is just taking your feet elsewhere. All my life I thought I was up to "Par" and now I realize that you are just sub-par. That's the way it was supposed to be. I really want to come clean with Him, but it's like saying your name over and over and over and over again. I just kinda turns to "Moo"sh. So how do you do it? I know I have to start fresh. It must start now! So show me how if you are willing to help. Show me what it takes to be 100% for Christ. I know Paul was a messed up guy with messed up beliefs. Regeneration! That's what it's about!
That word scares me sometimes. Well, just in that fact that if you ask, "Am I regenerated?" then....are you? It's like finding out if your parents aren't REALLY your parents. Or your sister is really just someone that was really close to your family. It's hard to feel alone! I DON'T LIKE IT! Christ said, "you are not alone for I am with you always." That's kinda hard to grasp. Of course we all know that He was talking about you heart/spirit (dichotomy?). That way that we always know that your mom loves your or you'll always breath...unless God takes that from you. It's a safety blanket. A withered, dirty, drool filled rag that we cling to. The world's funny like that. (wow i am really starting to sound like Rob Bell) For that I apologize.
To say that to say this. Pray for me. Not in the way saying that I won't pray for myself, but just that I need help and self assurance from Christ not from anyone on earth. Is that weird or too elitist-ish? Carla tells me I should work it out with Him before anything else! And I know that's true. It's just hard to get in the habit of.
in-Truth,
Matt
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- Matty
- Birmingham, Alabama, United States
- I'm 23 and just alive and living. I have a beautiful wife and enjoy everything about marriage. I want to explore everything and everyone!
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5 comments:
Wow, I think you need to write more. You seem to have stringed a LOT of thoughts together at one time :) I know you're going through so much right now, and I just want to encourage you to FIGHT!!!
2 Thes. 3:13 - And as for you brothers, never tire of doing what is right.
We can find joy in the journey. God wants us to pursue Him and wholeheartedly. I’m not always faithful in that, but He never stops pursuing me, and that’s where we find joy. In those moments of disbelief and despair, He’s there. When we feel like crap and all faith is lost, He’s there. When we no longer remember what we’re in this journey for, He’s there. He will NEVER leave us or forsake us.
I’m right where you are at and know what you mean, but we can find hope in the fact that we don’t serve a Christ that is dis-attached from what we are going through. He’s been here on this earth. He knows first hand our struggles. He’s been tested and proven worthy. He can intimately relate to wherever we are in life and whatever we are going through. How awesome is that?
I’ll pray for you, if you’ll pray for me the same. Thanks!
hey matt! i havent seen you in while. but anyways...man i think everybody struggles with what you talking about! its also like trying to trust God! for me its so hard to have the relational God because you cant see him or actually have a conversation with him! but hey man, the only thing we can do is try! just know that he will always be there for you! ill be praying for you! see ya buddy!
Hey bud,
I highly doubt you in even remember me. I used to be at UAB and was close friends with Hollye Henson(now Dueitt). Just happen to run across your blog from your facebook profile and figured I'd stop by to say hey and to let you know, you have one more friend praying for ya.
Hey Matt,
Love you,
Jarrod,
Allen,
(Timothy),
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